Changing my goals

I'm having a very hard time losing these last 20-25 pounds and I've finally decided to stop putting so much pressure on myself about it. It's not very realistic to continue losing at the rate I was when I first started this process 65 pounds ago. My metabolism is significantly slower and the winter season is not conducive to me losing weight quickly.

So instead of striving to lose 1.5 pounds a week, which was a struggle even when I was bigger, I'm going to aim for 1.0 pound of weight loss per week. It'll take longer to get to my goal weight (I should reach it July 9th instead of May 21st) but the difference is only about six weeks and during that time I'll be more sane about everything.

In the meantime, I can focus on getting an adequate amount of exercise in 5 times a week instead of beating myself up for not working out enough to get to 2300 calories burned each day. The previous method is no longer sustainable and sustainability is what I'm going for in the long run.

For now, then, my goal is to eat 1,500 calories each day and burn at least 2,000 calories, which gives me a 500 calorie deficit daily and keeps me on track to lose 1 pound each week. If I burn more, then awesome, but I'm tired of getting down on myself because I should be so happy with my progress thus far.

My other goal is to minimize muscle loss since I'm not riding my bike nearly as much as I used to. I've lost about 1.5 pounds of lean muscle in the last six weeks so I've added leg workouts to my gym routine (I've started going to the gym regularly!) in order to minimize that loss. I really like the way my legs look right now and I don't want that to go away simply because the seasons have changed.

Prom!

My old rugby team holds a banquet each winter for everyone involved in the club: women, men, old boys, and high school players. It's rather formal and turns into a huge party, so we've affectionately named it Prom.

For the first time since I started going about five years ago, I was actually excited to wear a dress this year. I've never liked dresses, even when I was a "normal" size so this was a rather big achievement for me. I'm still not entirely happy with my body and how I look in dresses, but I put all that aside and enjoyed the evening.

Here are some pictures (I'm in the turquoise):

Vacation weight

It hasn't been a good week for me self-esteem-wise. After spending a week in Mexico, I weighed myself today and have gained 6 pounds since my last weigh-in two weeks ago. Some of this may still be water weight due to booze (I'm only four days from my last drink) and I may be getting my period soon so that may also be influencing my weigh-ins. But it's disheartening nonetheless.

In Mexico, I only drank alcohol on two occasions because I didn't want to consume too many empty calories. I was already eating too many chips and I really didn't need to add any more crap to my diet. I even went on two 3-mile runs because I was being too sedentary. So how the hell did I gain so much weight?!

I'm really hoping that most of this goes away because it's so disheartening to see such a big gain in such a short amount of time. It's like I can't let loose at all because all the weight will come back super quickly.

That thought is really scary because if I gain weight so easily, then maintenance will more resemble weight-loss than living a normal life, which is the opposite of what I was hoping for. I can't be so restrictive for the rest of my life.

I planned this weight-loss journey so it would be sustainable forever, but I was hoping that I'd be able to eat a bit more after I reached my goal weight. Like, increase my daily average from 1,500 to 1,800 calories. I'm not looking to binge eat here.

Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case. Bummer.

On a happier note, here are a couple of pictures from vacation:

We went deep sea fishing in the rain. I really like how I look in this photo.

The view from our condo. It was glorious.

Burning enough calories

I've been struggling a lot with getting enough exercise these days to lose weight consistently. Because I'm down over 65 pounds, I don't burn nearly as many calories simply living as I used to even a couple of months ago. On a semi-lazy day, I barely get 1900 calories burned, as compared to 2,200 - 2,300 back in the day.*

As a result, I very rarely get to my target of 2,300 even with a moderate amount of exercise. It used to be so easy to reach my target and now I have to work really hard to get that daily burn, which I often don't get.**

With the winter already here, I can't go out on my bike nearly as regularly as I used to so I'm limited to getting my burn through running. Although I've gotten past the "I hate running" stage and am now at the point where I don't mind it, I still don't want to be running 5 - 6 times a week. So I need to find another exercise that's fun and burns some calories if I want to keep losing weight through the winter.

I originally wasn't going to get a ski pass because I haven't used it for the past couple of years. But snowboarding seems like the perfect winter exercise outlet that can also be incredibly fun. So instead of the regular all-season pass, I think I'm going to get a few 4-pack tickets, meaning four days at a variety of resorts. It ends up being a bit cheaper than a regular ski pass and also gives me the flexibility to go to several different resorts. And I know I won't get more than 8 - 12 days of skiing in this season so it works out well.

There, it's decided. I have a new wintertime exercise plan!

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* I know all this because I wear a BodyMedia Fit, which measures precisely how many calories I burn each minute of the day.

** I've also been eating more than my allotted 1,500 calories daily, which means my weight-loss has stalled. All of that is incredibly frustrating and I'm determined to change it. I also don't want to lose all the muscles I gained from biking so I think I'm going to have to start going to the gym more regularly. I hate the gym, but it gets the proper results.