Just Vegas

I think I'm going to stay away from TNT for now. There's no way I see myself raising $5000 (I checked with the people and that's how much it is to go to Florida), and even if I could, I would much rather use it on a Habitat trip to Africa. There's also no way I would make it out to Denver two times a week just to do a workout. Having to do something every day is trying enough for me.

So as it stands, I'm going to go on my own (well, with Maggie) and see where that takes me. We live in Boulder, so it shouldn't be too hard to find people train with. The local tri club does runs and bikes every week, and I just found out that they also do swims, albeit at 6:30 in the morning. So hopefully I'll be able to get in on that and get some instruction. I don't think I need too much of that since I'm a fairly good swimmer, but it'd be nice to get some feedback on my stroke. I kind of wish we lived in Denver (let's add another reason to this list of why Denver is better than Boulder) since their club seems much more organized, actually has a coach for sure (the same guy who coaches the TNT team), and I figure more normal-looking people actually join and do these things instead of the emaciated housewives that flock to endurance sports in this town. But, I figure Boulder knows what it's doing so it should be enough.

So yeah, I'm actually getting a bit excited about this triathlon bit, even though I haven't done much for it yet. I'm also thinking of signing up for another Olympic one in June since it's about an hour away and it'd be nice to have something to do after this April one in Vegas. And it's going to be at even higher altitude than Boulder, so we'll have something to work towards instead of just improving our time. And I really like their logo, which is part of the reason I'm so excited about participating. I know it'll be hell being so high up, but I think it'll also be a great challenge. The funny thing is I talk about being so excited to get fit and all that jazz, yet I've been dreading even starting C25K for a while now. In my mind it's great, but actually doing all this fitness scares me and I wish I could avoid all the pain.

The new resolution now is to join the Boulder Tri Club and follow some triathlon plan, either the one in the book, one from BeginnerTriathlete.com, or one recommended by BTC. I figure if I exercise even a bit, then I'll be better off than doing nothing. Also, I think we may substitute the running portions with some later weeks of C25K since I kind of need to ease into running, mostly because I hate it so much and need something bearable to keep me going, but also because I'm so out of shape in that respect.

Ok, now I need to start packing for Cancun, since I leave tomorrow and have done absolutely NOTHING to prepare. Granted, all I need is a bathing suit and flip-flops, but it'd be nice to remember important things such as my passport as well.

Mom

Today was pretty good until people came over. Maggie had a little get-together for our rugby team at 7 pm and I had an indoor soccer game at 8:30 that I had every intention of going to. But then 7:45 came around and then 8 and I figured I'd rather hang out with people than kick the ball around. Stupid me. Instead of getting a work-out in, I drank wine and beer and ate cupcakes that I shouldn't have. Oh, well. There's always tomorrow.

Since I've become nocturnal, I've been reading a lot of 3FC threads lately. One of them really made me think about my mom and how, although I'm obese myself, I always get on her case about her weight. Yeah, it's kind of "returning the favor" of her always mentioning my size in every conversation we have, but now I've realized that I'm just breaking her down instead of helping her be healthier. It's a huge fear of mine that she'll die in the near future because of her size. I love her to death and I have no idea how my family would function without her. She keeps us together and keeps my dad super healthy, even with all his health problems. Yet, she doesn't take care of herself as much as she cares about others, and that hurts a lot. I want her to be around forever and I feel the only way to do that is to get her on a healthier life track.

I mean, she doesn't eat badly. Surprisingly, the things she cooks are mostly thin, yet totally delicious, soups and meats. But I feel that her metabolism, like mine, is as slow as a turtle and it doesn't help her out at all. I don't know what to do besides get her to exercise more. Over the years, I've been complaining to her that she eats too much in volume and should start writing down everything that goes into her mouth. I know that's been scientifically proven to be a great help in weight-loss, but I feel that that's only part of the problem. I'm too harsh with her and I should just lay off the nagging.

So next time I'm home (which won't be til Christmas), maybe I should try a different approach. Inviting her out for a walk or getting her started on C25K may be the way to go instead of always complaining that she eats too much and exercises too little. Maybe the way to go is to lead by example. Like, "Mom, I'm going for a bike ride. Do you want to come?" I think she'd be more appreciative of that than some of the things I currently say to her.

Day 1 at the gym!

I finally made it to the gym, albeit for only 30 minutes. But still, that's better than I've been doing lately. Maggie and I did a bit of lifting, til my left shoulder started hurting pretty badly so I finished up with abs and some shoulder-specific exercises. As always, we were messing around most of the time, so that kinda needs to change in order to make our work-out more efficient. But at least it's step one in starting this whole weight-loss exercise thing.

Of course, after we came home, we popped open a beer and some ice cream, but again, it was only one beer so I'm slowly working up my willpower. I guess you can't go from 0 to 60 in a day. Turning down things will totally take time. AND I also bought a watch for the C25K, so although I'm not quite running yet, there's really nothing else that stands in the way. That is, besides me absolutely HATING running. But hopefully I'll get over that.

I'm still kinda freaked out about the whole loose skin on the belly thing when it comes to losing weight, but after seeing myself in the mirror at the gym today, I was totally disgusted and would take having loose skin any day over the way I look now. I guess at this point I'm more worried about the "batwings" people describe since those are a bit harder to hide than some belly flab. What's sad is that even though I may lose all this weight, I still won't be able to wear a bikini...and that's one of my major motivators. Boo.

Slacking off again

I've been feeling really down lately and haven't been doing any exercise. I didn't sleep much last night (went to bed at 6 am and had to get up at 9) so when I got home from class I passed out and woke up at 8ish. Oy. The vicious cycle of being nocturnal continues...

I went to physical therapy for my shoulder this morning. I'd overslept my last appointment so I REALLY had to get up and not miss this one. I was very spoiled with my PT guy in Connecticut so I didn't really think anyone could compare to his knowledge and competency. But the lady I met today was pretty good. She went over my MRI results with me, something my douchebag doctor hadn't bothered to do (another reason I don't trust that he has my best interests in mind) so it was nice to finally figure out why my shoulder's been throbbing. I'm really glad I insisted on the MRI in the first place because it definitely gave me a much better idea of what is going on in there.

The exercises she suggested were really simple but exhausting at the same time. I hate that PT people know exactly what muscles, tendons, and ligaments to isolate. I've never been so sore after using a 2 lb dumbbell. BUT I now have the stretchy rubber band thingies that I can use to strengthen up my ankles. She also doesn't need to see me more than once a week, which is great since it'll come out much cheaper this way. All in all, a very productive session. Now I just have to get my butt to the gym to do these things.

Italian was boring boring, mostly because I was so tired that I couldn't focus. We got our tests back and I'd missed the super easy parts I already knew. So now I have to get my butt into gear to make sure I keep an A in the class. And by that I mean that I actually have to study instead of just going out drinking the night before.

And then I slept. Maggie suggested we start the C25K thing today, but that obviously didn't happen. I HATE running, so I have no idea how I'm going to get started on this program and actually stick with it. I mean, it's only 20 minutes of torture, which is so insignificant in the long scheme of things, but I just can't get the motivation to get started. Oy...I just need to get over myself.

Also, after reading 3FC threads about post-weight loss bellies, I'm super worried. I don't want a saggy belly after busting my butt losing 80 pounds. WTF. I'd rather be a little fat and not have pregnancy sag. The results all depend on the a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be one of the people with ugly bellies. My goal for this weightloss is to be able to wear a bikini, but that doesn't seem likely with what people are predicting. Maybe it's just the extreme cases that posted on that thread and most people don't have a problem with it, but I'm really worried. I don't want that! But first, I have to get down to that size to see if it'll actually affect me. Maybe my youth (right...for once I'm saying I'm still young) will help, but I've been obese for a while and I'm not sure my skin is all that elastic. I mean, my face looks a lot more damaged than most people my age. But then again, I've never exposed my stomach to the sun, so there may be hope. I don't expect to lose this weight fast, so I think that may also be to my advantage. Ok, enough of that.

Now I'm going back to watching Gossip Girl and then some melatonin for sleep.

P.S. I was semi-good today with eating well (mostly cuz I was asleep all day), but I just had a Snickers out of boredom. I need to get out of the house more and be busy so I don't snack all the time!