Lessons from gaining and losing vacation weight

Three weeks after returning from a gluttonous week with my family in Poland, I'm back down to my pre-vacation weight!

It was an incredibly frustrating time because even though I stuffed myself to the point of extreme discomfort several times, I didn't expect two weeks of vacation (and really only one week of gluttony) to cause that much damage weight-wise. When I got back, my pants no longer fit, I felt flabby, and I was generally grumpy about the state of my body. But in less than a month, I am back to where I started, and it feels awesome!

All in all, it was a big learning experience for me. The fantastic thing is that I know (and am willing to) lose weight when I have a brief relapse. This is even true when I am so mentally done with restricting my calories to ~1500 a day and feeling guilty for indulging in things. I can still go back to that mindset for as long as it takes me to lose those 1 or 2 or 5 pounds, because it's important to me.

Having that skill and will-power is amazing because I'm not so worried about regaining everything I've lost, which was the case for a while. I still haven't figured out the whole maintenance thing (see the next post), so my weight will continue to fluctuate. But as long as I know that I can buckle down when I need to, I'll be okay.

After-all, the fear of gaining back everything that I worked so hard to lose is more overpowering than the desire to eat an ice cream cone every day. That's motivation enough, at least for right now.

Now some wedding reception photos from my trip to Poland:

My cousin, the groom.

I caught the veil, so I won a bottle of vodka. Naturally.

A Polish wedding wouldn't be complete without a self-service kielbasa bar.

The appetizer spread. This does not depict the courses served every couple of hours.

This is why I gained so much weight while in Poland. Meals from 6:45 pm until 3 am.
It set the tone for the rest of my week there.

Pyrotechnics during wedding-cake cutting. The bride and groom look beautiful.

Exercise "fail" on vacation

I had every intention of going for a run today before my cousin's wedding this afternoon. This is not to offset the bingefest of Thursday, as I said I wasn't going to do, but to make myself feel less flabby before another evening of indulgence.

Unfortunately, the run didn't happen. I decided sleep was more important and took the extra hour to snooze. Also, my legs are tired from yesterday's run, so today wouldn't have been very productive, fitness-wise.

I had planned on running hard enough to make my lungs hurt, which has been my goal lately at least once a week. The two previous runs I've done this week were kind of bullshit in that I ran to be outside and make use of the running things I schlepped all the way to Europe. My pace was awful.

I wasn't feeling it on Tuesday, so I ended up cutting the run short. Yesterday, my goal was to simply survive without puking since I was so hungover. Even though that run hurt my digestive system, it was well worth it because the day was uncharacteristically beautiful for Belfast. But, my lungs felt just fine so clearly I didn't push myself hard enough.

Today was going to be the lung-busting day to make up for the lackluster running of the week. But my quads are sore, I'm sleepy, and I don't have enough time to explore the parks around my aunt's house before we have to go get our hair did.

Instead, I'm relaxing on the couch, enjoying my kielbasa breakfast with my favorite milk, and preparing my body for the hurt that will be a Polish wedding.

Ideally, I'll do that run tomorrow. Depending on how this evening goes, it may have to be postponed until Monday. Either way, I'm totally cool with that. I'm on vacation after-all!

The cousin that's getting hitched.
Picture is from the window of our parents' childhood home in the Polish countryside (his dad, my mom).

Prom!

My old rugby team holds a banquet each winter for everyone involved in the club: women, men, old boys, and high school players. It's rather formal and turns into a huge party, so we've affectionately named it Prom.

For the first time since I started going about five years ago, I was actually excited to wear a dress this year. I've never liked dresses, even when I was a "normal" size so this was a rather big achievement for me. I'm still not entirely happy with my body and how I look in dresses, but I put all that aside and enjoyed the evening.

Here are some pictures (I'm in the turquoise):

Vacation weight

It hasn't been a good week for me self-esteem-wise. After spending a week in Mexico, I weighed myself today and have gained 6 pounds since my last weigh-in two weeks ago. Some of this may still be water weight due to booze (I'm only four days from my last drink) and I may be getting my period soon so that may also be influencing my weigh-ins. But it's disheartening nonetheless.

In Mexico, I only drank alcohol on two occasions because I didn't want to consume too many empty calories. I was already eating too many chips and I really didn't need to add any more crap to my diet. I even went on two 3-mile runs because I was being too sedentary. So how the hell did I gain so much weight?!

I'm really hoping that most of this goes away because it's so disheartening to see such a big gain in such a short amount of time. It's like I can't let loose at all because all the weight will come back super quickly.

That thought is really scary because if I gain weight so easily, then maintenance will more resemble weight-loss than living a normal life, which is the opposite of what I was hoping for. I can't be so restrictive for the rest of my life.

I planned this weight-loss journey so it would be sustainable forever, but I was hoping that I'd be able to eat a bit more after I reached my goal weight. Like, increase my daily average from 1,500 to 1,800 calories. I'm not looking to binge eat here.

Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case. Bummer.

On a happier note, here are a couple of pictures from vacation:

We went deep sea fishing in the rain. I really like how I look in this photo.

The view from our condo. It was glorious.

Continuing on when I'm content with my size

I'm currently at a weight and size that I find somewhat acceptable. I'm just below my lowest weight in college, but I'm significantly thinner because I have more muscle than I did back then. I consistently fit into size 12 pants and small/medium t-shirts, so it's not a bad place to be.

As a result, it's been really hard to stay focused with my exercise and calorie counting. I could be happy the way I am right now, which is what makes continuing on so difficult. But when I was this weight in college, I thought I needed to lose about 20 pounds. So clearly I'm just content with my size when compared to what I was last year (225 lbs). But if I were to look at my weight objectively then I know I would still like to be thinner and leaner.

This doesn't mean that I've been stuffing my face with chocolate, ice cream, and beer (with the exception of Halloween). I've been pretty good about controlling my cravings. But I've consistently been eating 1,800+ calories each day, which is more than the 1,500 I strive for daily. Additionally, I haven't made much effort to keep a consistent exercise routine. All of that has resulted in me not losing any weight.

For the past couple of months when I've stalled in weight-loss, I would tell myself that "I'll get back on the wagon tomorrow." But tomorrow has been nearly every day and I haven't changed anything. It's so easy to get back to my old habits of putting this thing off for weeks and months at a time when I'm decently happy with the way I look. the fact that I've been getting lots of compliments about my size doesn't help with finding motivation to go on.

This one garnered comments such as, "Looking GOOOOOOOOD!! So Fit and trim - oh la la."
I don't think it's that spectacular (look at that left thigh!) but multiple people have commented on it so maybe I'm being too critical.

I need to put my foot down and get serious about this because there is no ideal time to lose weight. There will always be something that gets in the way, whether it's rugby season and thus lots of drinking on weekend nights or bike rides that end at a bar.

Luckily, there's a big formal banquet in about a month that provides good incentive to slim down and tone up. I already look fabulous in some of the dresses I've tried on but I want to look even better. Mostly, I've needed a reason to get my butt to the gym to tone up my arms because my bingo wings have got to go. Dresses at a formal banquet are the perfect incentive for that!

Losing weight in the face

People have been commenting a lot on my weight-loss lately. While I really appreciate them noticing and congratulating me on my hard work, I get super uncomfortable with all the attention. All my life I've just wanted to be normal and blend in with everyone else, so this extra attention is not helping with that.

The comments have all been very nice, though, and I really appreciate my friends saying such great things to me. Also, most people have said that they notice my weight-loss most in my face, which is weird because I didn't think I had that much to lose there. But when I look at pictures more closely, I see the difference.

For example, I do look big in the photo on the left. You don't need to see the rest of me to know that I'm way overweight. But my face looks a lot thinner in the photo on the right (I'm in the red). So I guess my friends have a point about my face getting skinnier.

213 pounds

183 pounds

In the end, I have to keep telling myself that compliments are awesome to receive and that I should relish this time when everyone's noticing my hard work. So I smile every time someone says something nice and thank them for being so kind.

These bingo wings have got to go

For as long as I can remember I've been embarrassed by my upper arms. For example, when I was at summer camp in high school, I was convinced the people laughing during pickup volleyball games were making fun of my flabby arms. Most likely they were just joking about our incompetence at volleyball, but I was convinced they were laughing at me.

As you can tell, this part of my body has haunted me for years and even though I'm starting to look better in clothes as a result of my weight-loss, my arms are still a point of major self-consciousness.

Exhibit A.

As a result, I've become determined to get rid of said bingo wings, or at least minimize them as much as my genetics allow. It's my next project on the list of ways to improve my lifestyle and body*.

Speaking of this list, so far I've accomplished the following:

• Minimized mindless snacking.
  Now, I savor the junk food that goes into my body instead of stuffing it down my throat as fast as it'll go. I still get "the fix" but with fewer calories.
• Made exercise a near-daily necessity.
  I used to have to force myself to exercise once a week. These days the normal is to go out for a ride or a run and the abnormal is to sit and do nothing. Getting into better shape definitely helps with that. It's not nearly as painful (mentally) as it used to be. The act of working out still hurts but it's a good kind of hurt. As they say, "It doesn't get any easier; you just go faster."
• Became used to eating smaller portions.
  By now, I can't eat nearly as much as I used to be able to. I get full faster and am satisfied for longer. It's pretty awesome.
• Started eating leftovers...and liking it.
  This makes it easier to eat out less because that delicious food I cooked the night before is still waiting for me in the fridge. I still get grossed out by certain things and won't eat anything that's sat for more than a couple of days, so there is more progress to be made. But I'm getting there.

So next is the Bingo Wings Project. I'll elaborate more on the plan of attack when I get one and/or stick with it for more than a week. This should be fun.

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*With the most recent attempt at losing weight (i.e. this one) I've gone with the method of moderation. There have been no sudden changes in my life, but instead I've incorporated one thing at a time and only when I'm ready for it. That's where the list comes into play. Now that I've fixed the major things that make the greatest difference in weight-loss (diet and exercise), I'm ready to start tweaking the little things like my arms.

Vacation dieting

I was on vacation the past two weeks and thus away from my routine. My plan for the trip was to:

1. avoid tracking my calories because it would drive me crazy, and
2. not gain any weight.

Instead, I was going to focus on eating normal-sized portions and limiting my alcohol intake to "special occasions". And by that I mean, not drinking heavily every day. I was on vacation after-all and vacation means boozing.

I got back Sunday night and the verdict is...I'm down 1 pound!

That's honestly shocking because I only exercised once last week, drank a BUNCH of margaritas, ate double portions of fish tacos, and spent the rest of the time sitting under a palapa on the beach. So I didn't move much and consumed a lot, which is not conducive to not gaining weight.

Granted, the first week of vacation was very exercise-heavy (2 hill runs and a 3-mile run in California, and then 12-miles of running during Tough Mudder in Vegas) so maybe that evened things out a bit. But I'm still kind of shocked by the loss.

The Roommie and I next to my second favorite palapa, a day after finishing Tough Mudder in Las Vegas

When I weighed myself out of curiosity on Sunday night after getting home, I was up to 201.0 lbs, which is 7 pounds more than my weight when I left. I was really bummed about that because that's an insane amount of poundage to gain in 14 days. And I didn't think I had strayed from my plan all that much. All the anxiety I've been having about not being able to maintain a normal calorie intake to stay at a lower weight came roaring back. It was disconcerting.

Monday morning had me at ~196 and today I weighed in at 193.5 lbs. I discounted Monday's weigh-in because I was only three days removed from drinking (my weight is all over the place within three days of alcohol) so the "official" post-vacation weight remains at 193.5 lbs.

We'll see if this downward trend continues once I weigh-in tomorrow but regardless of what the scale shows, I'm really proud of myself for eating normally enough while on vacation without feeling deprived at all. Actually, I could've had a few more beers on the beach but I stayed away because a) I was getting sick and didn't need to impede my immune system's work by consuming alcohol, and b) I get super dehydrated after even one drink these days (I'm getting old) and didn't want to spend my vacation hungover on top of already being sick.

In short, it appears that living a life without needing to calorie count all the time is totally doable for me. There are still things I need to tweak and learn about my body before I can go into legitimate maintenance mode (and lose about 50 more pounds) but it's reassuring to know that I can count on myself to know when to stop eating.

Making my loss visual

Since I can't see my weight-loss when I look in the mirror and other people have been commenting on my "slim" figure, I figured I should browse through the progress photos I've been taking throughout my journey.

And while it's not incredibly obvious even in the pictures that I've lost that much, if you look closely you can see that my butt and thighs are more toned and that the back fat is slowly receding.

Here is a montage of those photos (NSFW in that I'm only wearing underwear and a bra, but all important bits are covered):