Lessons from gaining and losing vacation weight

Three weeks after returning from a gluttonous week with my family in Poland, I'm back down to my pre-vacation weight!

It was an incredibly frustrating time because even though I stuffed myself to the point of extreme discomfort several times, I didn't expect two weeks of vacation (and really only one week of gluttony) to cause that much damage weight-wise. When I got back, my pants no longer fit, I felt flabby, and I was generally grumpy about the state of my body. But in less than a month, I am back to where I started, and it feels awesome!

All in all, it was a big learning experience for me. The fantastic thing is that I know (and am willing to) lose weight when I have a brief relapse. This is even true when I am so mentally done with restricting my calories to ~1500 a day and feeling guilty for indulging in things. I can still go back to that mindset for as long as it takes me to lose those 1 or 2 or 5 pounds, because it's important to me.

Having that skill and will-power is amazing because I'm not so worried about regaining everything I've lost, which was the case for a while. I still haven't figured out the whole maintenance thing (see the next post), so my weight will continue to fluctuate. But as long as I know that I can buckle down when I need to, I'll be okay.

After-all, the fear of gaining back everything that I worked so hard to lose is more overpowering than the desire to eat an ice cream cone every day. That's motivation enough, at least for right now.

Now some wedding reception photos from my trip to Poland:

My cousin, the groom.

I caught the veil, so I won a bottle of vodka. Naturally.

A Polish wedding wouldn't be complete without a self-service kielbasa bar.

The appetizer spread. This does not depict the courses served every couple of hours.

This is why I gained so much weight while in Poland. Meals from 6:45 pm until 3 am.
It set the tone for the rest of my week there.

Pyrotechnics during wedding-cake cutting. The bride and groom look beautiful.

Brain catching up to the body

Lately I've been very confused about how I feel regarding my weight. One day I'm happy and want to stop losing since I've seemingly reached my goal (size 8 in pants, small t-shirts). But other days I feel just as fat as I did when I weighed over 200 pounds.

I guess all this comes down to the fact that my brain has not caught up to my body. I've thought of myself as a "big girl" for most of my life, so it's hard for my brain to switch from 20+ years of that thinking to being "normal" within the span of a few months.

To illustrate: Instead of celebrating losing the equivalent of a small child, I still see myself as "big" when I look at pictures. I'm not necessarily fat anymore but I'm definitely not the fit person I imagined I'd be at this weight.

When I look at the pictures below, I don't see the progress I've made and the quads I've developed. Instead I focus on my huge calves and stout body, especially when compared to the people surrounding me.

I'm in the yellow/orange.

I "know" I'm fit and have lost a bunch of weight. But this knowledge is based solely on the shrinking sizes of my clothes. I'm still surprised every time someone I believe is normal-sized says something like, "You're smaller than me." It blows my mind because I still consider myself to be the "big girl."

I guess I just need to give my brain more time to understand and comprehend the transformation I've made in the past couple of years. I need more than a couple of months to automatically think of myself as normal-sized. It'll come, eventually.

In short, I need to be patient, which is not one of my virtues and does not come naturally. I have somehow managed to lose all of these pounds slowly and steadily, so I need to continue to practice that patience with how I perceive my body.

It's working!

Changing my calorie burning goals was a GREAT idea. For example, today I ran 1.5 miles, sprinted up a hill (the hill) 6 times, and walked home 1.5 miles. I'm on track to burn 2160 calories for the day.

Normally, this would upset me because with that exercise I still won't reach my goal of 2,300 calories burned. But now that I've changed my goal to 2,000 calories, I'm absolutely ecstatic. With this progress, I'm guaranteed to lose at least a pound a week if I keep my food intake under control. It's great to know that I'm actually losing weight with all the effort I'm putting in lately.

The same feeling of "Awesome! I've burned a ton of calories." came yesterday after a morning of snowboarding. In the 1.5 hours I actually spent on the mountain doing things, I burned about 600 calories more than I would've had I been sitting on the couch. For that much exercise, 600 calories isn't much. But considering I only need to burn 2,000 burned daily, it totally busted that goal and I was incredibly happy with myself.

Moral of the story (and my motto in life): Lower your expectations and you'll never be disappointed.

Just kidding. The better moral is to have realistic expectations so that the motivation to achieve them is not lacking.

I'm back, and proud!

I've taken a bunch of time off from the blog and from the process of weight-loss. I've continued to count my calories and make sure I exercise a decent amount of time each week, but I haven't made a real effort in either department.

For example, I've drank too much beer, eaten too much pizza, and spent way too many nights on the couch instead of moving around outside. Part of me is disappointed with this lifestyle, but another part of me is relieved because I needed that time to rest. At this point, I don't think I've lost any weight since late July or so, but I also haven't gained any, which is a different kind of success.

This weekend, a rugby referee asked me how much weight I've lost since I last saw him in early July. I lied and said 15 pounds, because that's how much I should've lost during that time. His reply? "Well, it definitely looks it." So apparently I look better. Another ref said I was hot. That one took me by surprise because no one has said that to me. Ever. When I told him that, he was surprised as well. Lastly, my former rugby teammates kept complementing me over the weekend saying I looked really good and very skinny.

All of this is to say that although I don't think I've lost any weight lately, I've come a long way since last Thanksgiving. Instead of dwelling on the summer of half-assed weight-loss, I should be very proud of the journey and the results of my efforts.

While this weight has led to positive comments and a lot of confidence on my end, I'm not done yet! I still have some ways to go, and I've already begun making that happen.

Losing weight in the face

People have been commenting a lot on my weight-loss lately. While I really appreciate them noticing and congratulating me on my hard work, I get super uncomfortable with all the attention. All my life I've just wanted to be normal and blend in with everyone else, so this extra attention is not helping with that.

The comments have all been very nice, though, and I really appreciate my friends saying such great things to me. Also, most people have said that they notice my weight-loss most in my face, which is weird because I didn't think I had that much to lose there. But when I look at pictures more closely, I see the difference.

For example, I do look big in the photo on the left. You don't need to see the rest of me to know that I'm way overweight. But my face looks a lot thinner in the photo on the right (I'm in the red). So I guess my friends have a point about my face getting skinnier.

213 pounds

183 pounds

In the end, I have to keep telling myself that compliments are awesome to receive and that I should relish this time when everyone's noticing my hard work. So I smile every time someone says something nice and thank them for being so kind.

Moderation, the key to my success thus far

This post is a follow-up to the note at the end of my last post. It became too long so I'm graduating it to its own thingamabobber. Pardon the length. I got a bit carried away.

Having been on some sort of weight-loss journey for the past ten years or so, or at least having thought about losing weight and feeling bad about not succeeding for that long, I've often been asked what changed to make this time so successful. After-all, I've lost nearly 40 pounds in six months without hating my life (for the most part). Something must've happened.

But, I honestly can't think of one trigger that led to this. Like many times beforehand, I made an effort to lose weight in the hopes that it would actually work this time. I made myself count calories, which I've done every other time I "started losing weight". I promised myself I'd ride my bike a few times a week, which is my exercise du jour. And I committed to completing the Couch to 10k program, like I've done at the start of nearly every rugby season for the past four years. The only difference this time around was that a month after committing to lose weight yet again, I was still sticking with my plan and wanting to continue. That's pretty much the only thing that changed.

Even though in previous attempts, I would see the scale change favorably, I would often quit after about three weeks of the new plan. Apparently that's the time it takes to develop new habits and I just couldn't make it past that threshold. I enjoyed seeing the numbers drop but the process for making it happen was so frustrating and hard that it didn't seem worth it to continue. So I "took a break" which really meant I quit and by the time I recommitted to losing weight again, I had lost all the fitness I had previously gained and had to start over again.

After so many cycles of this, I decided to try something different, which isn't different in and of itself because I resolved to change something about my plan each time I restarted it. But realizing that I can't change everything all at once (or even more than one thing) otherwise I get stressed out/become overwhelmed, prompted me to re-evaluate my approach to losing weight and resolve to make no more than one sudden change in my life.

Instead, I incorporated one thing at a time and only when I was ready for it. For example, I began with counting my calories. That's it. There were no limits on what I could and couldn't eat. I just had to write it all down. That eventually led to eating less junk because I saw how many calories I was wasting on crap and still feeling hungry.

I didn't eliminate sweets entirely because I need sugar and other carbohydrates to function, but I definitely limited myself to a couple of chocolate squares instead of the entire chocolate bar, for example. I would only eat chips, etc, while I was still craving them so if mid-snack I wasn't getting the "high" that caused me to reach for them, I would stop eating. The same went for ice cream and snacky foods.

Most impressively, I significantly cut down on my beer drinking, but this is a very recent development. To give you a time frame, I started calorie counting in November; it is now nearly June. So it took me the better part of six months of this journey to get to the point where I can say "No" to beer. Like I said, I only do things I'm ready for.

Anywhos, I still drink beer and I still love it. But after I put an "Alcohol" category in my food tracker and realized how many potential pounds I was drinking away, I realized it just wasn't worth it, which led to cutting out the afternoon beer. I'm still pretty heavy so it takes a lot of beer to get me drunk, meaning that a beer with dinner doesn't do much for me besides put me 200 calories in the hole. So now I either have a beer-drinking night where I go all out and have as much as I want guilt-free, or I abstain entirely. There is no middle ground...yet at least. Hopefully some day I'll get to the point where I get tipsy off 1-2 beers and then this will all change, but for now this way is working.

The same thinking went into my approach to exercise. I half-heartedly began Couch to 10k when I re-began counting calories in November but I didn't stick with it long. And that was entirely fine. I ran when I felt like I needed to but it wasn't something I felt guilty about skipping. After-all, it wasn't the thing I was focused on changing at the time. It wasn't until mid-January (~2 months into this) that I made myself go running, rain or snow or shine.

I hated nearly every one of the initial runs because it was so hard to keep a 11:00 min/mile pace for 2 minutes straight. But no matter how much it sucked, I still did it because that was the new change I had decided on and I needed to stick with it. Early into this I made a deal with myself that I could bitch and moan all I wanted about running only if I actually went. The Roommie, who sometimes accompanied me on these runs, suggested I should try being positive because that might actually help with wanting to go, but the negativity was therapeutic. It was a way to let go of my frustrations not only with my lack of fitness but also with letting myself get to this level of obesity. That was my way of looking forward to the torture that is running.

All of that is a long-winded way of saying that I finally tried moderation and it worked. Once I broke down my bad behaviors into manageable steps, I was able to get used to them one at a time and actually make some progress. This is not to say it has all been easy because I've struggled a lot along the way, most notably getting super impatient recently with the rate of my loss. But I'm still losing and not relapsing, and that's all that matters to me right now.

This post is already way too long, but I need to give credit where credit is due. The following things have had the greatest impact on my success thus far. They created the perfect storm that allowed me to see results without wanting to quit due to feeling overwhelmed and deprived.

1. MyFitness Pal:
It is soooooooooooo much better than all the other food tracking programs that preceded it. Not only is their food database really big but the phone app allows you to scan the barcode of whatever you're eating into your food diary. I've calorie counted many times before but have always quit because I would get obsessed with entering all the nutritional info for every product I consumed that wasn't in the database. Now I just scan it with my phone and it pops right up.

Also, because it's the most popular calorie tracker on the web, there are random things like bulk cereals from my grocery store that I normally would've had to enter myself. I can also copy my meals from different days very easily and find recipes I've entered. MFP makes calorie counting so painless that it's actually not a chore anymore.

2. Refereeing rugby:
I don't think I would've committed to running nearly as much as I currently am if it wasn't for my sudden interest in reffing. I finally found the time to do this (I had just finished going back to school full-time with a part-time job on the side last year) and I was convinced that I wasn't getting assignments because of my lack of fitness. Also, it's fairly obvious if the ref isn't in the right spot during a game as compared to being one of 30 players on the pitch. I mean, I'm wearing bright yellow and I'm kind of in charge.

So I started Couch to 10k for the 7th or 8th time, and stuck with it even though I hit some very low points around Week 3 and 4. I have continued running solely because I don't want to go have to go through that mental torture again. I ended up stopping at Week 5 because in a game I don't run longer than that distance (~3-4 miles) and substituted hill runs instead. But when I'm away from my bike I do 3' jog/1' walk intervals as a way to keep up my endurance. So I still go back to it sometimes.

3. Invisalign:
Yes, dental care is on my "Acknowledgements" page. In addition to the bingo arms, the other thing that I truly hated about myself was my crooked teeth. I never had braces growing up so I figured it was okay to splurge on these in my late-20s. While I've only had them on since February and I was successful in losing weight before then (I started around Thanksgiving), Invisalign has definitely kept me from snacking on things as much as I normally would, and thus has been instrumental in my getting thinner.

Brushing and flossing my teeth after putting anything in my mouth is annoying so I tend to save my junky snacks for mealtimes, which makes me choose them wisely, savor them once I do eat them, and helps with developing self-control. I hope I can keep this up when the "jaws", as I affectionately call them, come off for good in October. That might be the biggest struggle.

---

While I still have a long ways to go before I reach my goal weight (nearly 50 pounds, which is incredibly overwhelming for me), as long as I continue doing what I'm doing I should get there eventually. I may have to tweak some things--such as leading a less sedentary lifestyle--but overall I think I have developed pretty good habits that should get me through the rest of my weight-loss and hopefully lead to successful maintenance.

If this all stops working, though, I'll be sure to analyze it in great detail here, and I will surely kick myself in the butt for declaring a victory before I even made it halfway.

Making my loss visual

Since I can't see my weight-loss when I look in the mirror and other people have been commenting on my "slim" figure, I figured I should browse through the progress photos I've been taking throughout my journey.

And while it's not incredibly obvious even in the pictures that I've lost that much, if you look closely you can see that my butt and thighs are more toned and that the back fat is slowly receding.

Here is a montage of those photos (NSFW in that I'm only wearing underwear and a bra, but all important bits are covered):

"Your face looks thinner. Have you lost weight?"

Comments such as the post title have been coming at me in the last week from people in entirely different social circles. So they clearly have all noticed it on their own and not discussed it with each other. It's really weird to hear because 1) they've all said something in the last week and not before, and 2) I haven't noticed any visual evidence of my weight-loss.

Some of my clothes fit better (read, they're no longer like spandex) but for the most part I think my t-shirts and jeans feel the exact same way now as they did a month ago. This is probably because both of those articles of clothing are made of stretchy material while my khakis and jackets are not, but I really don't feel any smaller in my clothes nor do I see myself as thinner when I look in the mirror.

I think part of the "denial" about my weight-loss is due to the fact that I never really saw myself as all that fat. I mean, I know I have fat but for some reason I believe that it's a somewhat thin layer covering a lean, tall, mass of muscle, none of which is true in real life. In fact, I'm obese, 5'4", and have nearly 50% body fat. But I seem to think otherwise, which is why I've let myself get to this weight in the first place. I'm really good at ignoring reality.

Because my perception of my size is so warped, every time I see a picture of myself I am surprised by my weight. Practically every time I see something posted on Facebook or look through pictures I have taken during a trip, I am taken aback by how obese I really am. Each picture is honestly a shock to me and since I'm not looking at them all the time and there aren't many mirrors in my life (at least not from the chest down) it is really easy to see myself as what I'd like to be instead of what I really am.

In that respect, I really only have two perceptions of people's body sizes: fat and thin. Since I've always thought of myself as fat for as long as I can remember (albeit, normal fat -- see two paragraphs below), I associate my current size with the "fat" I remember from high school, when I weighed a whopping 155 pounds. Yeah, I wasn't fat at all and I wish I was that weight now, but in high school for a 5'4" girl, 155 is way bigger than "normal". And since I haven't gotten skinny since that time, in my mind I'm still in the same fat category of my youth, which is big but not all that big. So you see where my current disconnect with reality comes from.

To go even farther back with my issues of fatness, in third grade there were three kids in my class who were constantly teased for being fat. I wasn't one of those three and I never understood why not. I felt lucky for escaping the ridicule and sometimes even joined in on the taunts (not my brightest moment) but I just couldn't comprehend why they were getting flak for their weight while I was considered normal. Where was the line drawn? Because in my mind, anyone thicker than a bean pole was fat. And I sure wasn't a bean pole. Not even close.

It's taken a long time for me to realize that people can have fat on them and not be "fat". And I still catch myself thinking that being a bean pole is the only way to go. It's a distinction that I continue to struggle with and I don't think it's going to be fixed any time soon. I still notice thicker normal-sized people and don't think of them as "normal" per se, even though they're a size 10-12. For some reason I focus on their large hips or non-sculpted arms and see "fat" instead of their natural, perfectly fine body.

Part of this is due to being bombarded by society's unrealistic perception of beauty, part is due to living in a ridiculously thin town where The Roommie (a size 10) feels fat, and part is due to constantly being told to lose weight by my family from an early age. Regardless of the reasons behind my thinking, I just can't get past the thought that anyone who isn't lean, isn't normal-sized.

It's this mindset that makes me worry that I'll never be content with my weight no matter how thin I eventually become. I will always have fat on me because those are the genes I have been dealt and I do actually love having hips. I also don't strive to be athletically thin because I don't have the will-power or desire to commit to that eating and training plan.

So unless I change my way of thinking, I will always be unhappy about my body. And after all the work I will have hypothetically put into losing 85+ pounds, I want to have a body I am at least somewhat satisfied with. It's probably not going to be conventionally beautiful, but I'm hoping it'll be normal.

To go back to what started this post and to end on a positive note, I guess I kind of knew that I was losing weight because the number on my scale has been going down for some time (it's stubbornly stuck between 201.0 and 200.5 lb right now...so frustrating!). But I didn't see the loss on my body and thus I didn't believe it. After-all, I still have a lot of fat on my arms, my thighs, and my stomach, and taking a few pounds off doesn't really move me to the "thin" category, which is where the true distinction lies. Right now, I don't believe the loss makes that much of a difference in my appearance. That is, until my friends and colleagues spoke up.

One comment from The Roommie wasn't even enough to budge my way of thinking. It had to come from several different directions and had to be off-hand, not me soliciting comments but them initiating the discussion. Only after I had heard this several times did I even consider that going down one belt hole was an option for keeping my pants situated on my hips. I then realized that I can actually go down two or even three more and still be comfortable.

When cleaning my room, I started trying on the clothes I had bought "for when I lose weight"...and I started fitting into some of them! I'm currently consistently wearing size 16 pants and shorts, which a huge surprise because I was a solid 18 when I started this, sometimes even needing a 20.

So although I may not notice any weight-loss when I look in the mirror or glance through pictures, other people are noticing and my clothes don't lie. I'm using that outside input as a way to retrain my brain to a more normal way of thinking so hopefully somewhere down the line I will be able to see these changes on my own.

I may have a long way to go, but at least I'm getting somewhere right now.

Pushing myself to run faster

On Saturday I brought The Roommie on a run with me and she kicked my butt! I've been somewhat faithfully following Couch to 10k and I'm on Week Four now, which is a recovery week. The running interval was only two minutes with a two minute walking rest afterwards and I only had to repeat it five times. So it didn't look too hard on paper. In reality, though, I was exhausted.

The Roommie weighs 30 pounds less than I do and is three inches taller. She's generally in better shape and doesn't mind suffering while running, but hates to push herself when biking. So when we ride our bikes I smoke her, but during a run I struggle to keep up.

Saturday was no different. She was always several steps in front of me and probably could've gone even faster but didn't want to lose me. While I usually hate following people when I exercise, this was actually really good because it pushed me to run faster. I was definitely uncomfortable during every single one of the running intervals, but that's how it should be. I need to push myself so I can eventually get faster and I haven't been able to do that on my own for several weeks now. It's much easier to settle into a slow trot.

We ended the run with a 10:17 min/mile average which is significantly faster than I've been able to run by myself. This also showed me that I can run at a quicker pace than I think I can and more importantly, that I can hold it for more than 30 seconds.

This translated to the strategy for today's run as well because I ran to the same point of exhaustion as Saturday (not a full sprint but I could definitely feel it in my lungs) and was able to hold it for the whole two minute interval. It also helped to have three minutes to recover after each running interval because I could go a lot harder and maintain the pace throughout the whole workout.

The next run is going to be a beast: Three minutes running, one minute walking, nine times, which translates to 27 minutes of actual running. I haven't gone that long since November 2010 so I'm not going to be using the pushing myself strategy of the past few days. Instead, I will focus on maintaining a decent pace (11 min/mile) and holding it for the whole run interval. This way I won't hate myself by the time run number five rolls around, which is what happened several weeks ago and nearly caused me to quit running altogether.

The second day of each week is generally an easier day so I'll work on increasing speed during those runs by pushing myself, while focusing on simply getting through the hard first day of the week runs.

I can now warm up in my warm-up pants

I finally cleaned out and organized all the clothes in my closets and wardrobes because it was getting out of hand. I had stuff stashed in drawers and hanging up in the closet, most of it too small and unwearable. So I devised a new system for storage, grouped my shirts by size, and got everything put away very nicely.

After three days of doing this and trying on a bunch of shirts to see if they fit, I decided to give a pair of warm-up pants a try to see if I could actually get them over my butt. When I received them as part of a team kit a couple of years ago I was ~15 pounds heavier than I am right now and although I could get them on, they weren't comfortable at all. You could tell they were stretched tight across my thighs and I could barely move without feeling like they would rip at the seams (they aren't made of stretchy fabric), which defeated their purpose of being for warming up prior to practice or a game.

But today, they fit almost perfectly! They're not exactly the loosest pants I own, but I feel like I can run around and not bust out of them, which is progress.

I honestly can't notice a difference in my body size even though the scale is moving so it was nice to see that I am in fact getting smaller even if it's not yet obvious to my eye. At the same time, after looking at all the awesome shirts I recently bought that I love, I'm kind of bummed I'm getting smaller because these clothes I have now won't fit for very long.

Since I will continue to get thinner (remaining at this weight is NOT an option) I'm just going to have to give them as much love as I can now, which means ratty shirts are out and awesome shirts are in. This is yet another reason to start caring about how I dress instead of wearing baggy pajama-y clothes all the time, so I've been wearing my nice sweaters practically every day. The shirts are one thing, but sweaters from my mom are something I will miss.

The bright side is I will soon get to wear all the shirts from several years ago that I also love but can't fit into anymore. And I'm sure when I revamp my wardrobe to accommodate my smaller size there will be just as many awesome shirts that I will fall in love with. And hopefully my mom will be so ecstatic about my weight-loss that she will buy me more soft sweaters.

Less than half fat!

My legs are less than half fat! I'm sure this occurred sometime during my stay in Southern California but my parents don't have a fat percentage scale there, so I only saw it once I got back to Colorado this week. BUT, my leg fat percentage is finally less than 50%. And soon enough I will be in ONEDERLAND!

I say "leg fat" and not "body fat" because the fat measuring scale I have is one you stand on and it sends pulses up one leg and down the other to measure fat composition. So there is no upper body measurement. But as long as fat percentage is going down somewhere in my body then I'm happy. And it's great to get better legs.

Totally got called out

I've been having knee problems for a while now, and they seem to be never-ending. I ended up having surgery on it in December, got a steroid shot last month, and am still having some grinding/diffuse pain issues even though the steroid helped immensely with the worst of the pain.

Anywhos, I went to my orthopedic doctor today and I felt like the office had become a bit too familiar. The front-desk lady pulled out my chart as soon as she saw me come in and the PA actually pronounced my nickname correctly (that's how I usually know people remember meeting me). I clearly have been coming in too much.

Why all this detail? Well, it's mostly because I like to ramble. But my main point is that the doc and his PA both said that I need to work more on strengthening the knee, by doing core, hip, and quad workouts. Yeah, I've been slacking on those like crazy and they totally called me out on it.

I mean, I'll go on really hard bike rides several times a week but I honestly can't remember the last time I did a side plank. And my left quad is still significantly smaller than my right one. (I have no idea how they can tell that just by poking around my kneecap, but I'll take it.)

So that is something I'm going to have to work on now to make this knee thing go away. But I'm really glad they don't think I'd torn my meniscus, again. I don't have time or energy to deal with all that that entails.

And on another positive front, I'm down to 213.5 lbs today, which is pretty awesome considering my 3 x per week of exercise max and eating out habits. Since I started this shindig at the end of February, I've somewhat consistently been losing 1 lb per week, which has been the plan. Awesome!

My clothes don't fit any better, so I've been worrying that my muscles have been atrophying due to my schedule of insane studying and not much else. But my fat % has also been creeping down so maybe that's an unfounded concern. The biggest challenge will be finding motivation to exercise during the next two months while I'm on a boat (in my flippy floppies).

Regardless, today has been a pretty good day.

A conversation with my running self

The other day I went out on a C210K run and, as always, got discouraged/bored with two more 2 minute intervals to go. Really? It's only 4 more minutes of running! I shouldn't be having these problems. So I sat myself down and had a little debate in the parking lot. Here's how it went:

Lazy, Running Me: This sucks! I don't want to keep running. I'll just walk home.
Motivating, Rational Me: Doing this is the only way you'll get fit for rugby season.
LRM: I wasn't fit this season and it wasn't too bad.
MRM: Wasn't too bad? You hated going to practice because the drills required running, and you were frustrated that you were much slower than everyone else only because you were too lazy to train in the off-season.
LRM: Maybe. But everyone is much better than me anyways and getting fit still won't get me a starting position.
MRM: You don't know that. And there's only one way to know for sure. Besides, running and getting fit is not just for rugby. You wished you were fitter on last week's mountain bike ride so you could enjoy it more. And you have a race coming up in a month that you wished you'd been able to run last time.
LRM: I'll just walk this part and make up the run tomorrow.
MRM: No. How about you run two more minutes and suck it up? And then you can rest a bit, and finish out the last two minutes. IT'S JUST FOUR MORE MINUTES OF RUNNING!!!
LRM: Fine.
[LRM starts jogging super, duper slowly, barely faster than a walk.]
MRM: So just because you're mad, you're going to mess up your times from the last five intervals? C'mon, you can get under a 10 min/mile pace for two minutes. It's downhill!
LRM: Hmf.

And then I started actually running. And grumbled the whole way home. But I did it and need to continue doing it until I learn to enjoy it, which better happen soon.

P.S. This is a true story. I really did talk to myself, out loud. Luckily there was no one around because people may've been concerned if they saw someone walking around in circles mumbling angrily to themselves in the church parking lot the day before doomsday.

0 to 1750 yds in one fell swoop!

I'm too tired to write a separate blog entry for today, so I'll just copy and paste from a post I wrote earlier today to my triathlon mentoring group about my latest workouts since the weekend. I will update tomorrow about my eating successes (that voice I mentioned a few posts ago is back!) and drinking failures, but for now, an update on my swimming:

I kind of slacked on the workouts this weekend and wasn't able to get out on the bike on Monday because of work (bummer!), so I went for a run instead and it was hard hard hard! I forget what it's like to start running after sitting around for a month. I was doing 2' jog and 1' walk intervals x 7 and I was counting down the seconds for the run part to be over every single time. Oy. Lots of work left to do.

BUT, the big accomplishment of the week was making it to master's swimming this morning. I'm quite impressed with myself since it was still dark outside and my roommate had flaked on me. A short pep-talk while I was snoozing did the the trick and I'm so glad I went! The coach was super nice and I think I sold myself short when I told her I'm a beginner, slow, and my technique needs a bit of work, since she complimented me after the warm-up. I was pleasantly surprised.

After a pretty intense hour-long workout, she had me "cool down" with a 300 yd medley of strokes which included 3 x 25 of butterfly. I laughed in her face. Well, kinda. I think I forgot to mention to her that I've never been on swim team and essentially learned how to swim without any formal instruction. And my only knowledge of the butterfly is from watching the Olympics. I surprised even myself, because I was able to get my entire upper body out of the water for most of the length, with pseudo-decent form (the coach's words, not mine...I thought I was making a giant tidal wave with every stroke).

I didn't realize how much I'd actually swam til I added it up later in the day...after staying out of the pool for a good six months, my first time back was 1750 yds. Yikes! No wonder my arms and legs felt like jello when I was done. Even so, I am totally going back on Thursday.

Sorry that this is a bit boastful, but I am so proud of myself for actually doing this and wanting to come back for more. What a difference a year makes. Crazy!

I believe in miracles

I forgot to mention this in my post last night, but when my roommate and I were doing our C210K workout yesterday (1 minute jog, 2 minute walk) we got our paces up (or down, I guess) to between 9:05 and 8:40...for all of them. And I still feel like I could've gone just a little bit longer. WOW!

I remember our first run about two weeks ago when I was DYING during the first couple 1 minute intervals. Like, thinking that this shouldn't be that hard. I mean, I felt like I could do a couple more intervals then, but not any faster. And most definitely not at that kind of speed.

I know it's just a one minute interval, but still. There's hope for me. I just need to keep pushing myself as hard as I can to get faster and fitter and maybe one day I will become a fast runner. So far, I'm becoming someone who enjoys running (after I get out the door first, of course), which is absolutely shocking to me. In a good way of course.

AND, another goodie that totally made my day. My fat percentage is down to 48.7%. Wowsers! And my lean mass increased even with some weight-loss. I am so on the right track. And so happy/relieved/understanding of my non-shifting scale. I have no idea where the muscle came from. Maybe from doing beer curls...or drunken slalom races? I don't know, but I'll take it!

Runner's high? Not quite...

Within the last two weeks I've really started following the Couch to 10k (C210K) program. And surprisingly, I've stuck with it! Although I couldn't really run this weekend because I was resting my ankle (the one I drunkenly injured almost four weeks ago), I really wanted to get out there. Today, on the other hand, I had no desire to go, but I had to.

You see, I'm doing the Tough Mudder: Austin race on January 29th and it's going to kick my butt if I don't get training. And since I'm essentially going from sitting on the couch to a 10-mile muddy obstacle course designed by British Special Forces, there is some fear and fire under my butt. So I've made an effort to get out there four times a week, minimum.

(The C210K Program is designed for three runs a week, but I don't have enough time, that is weeks, to finish it and get up to 10 miles by January 29th, so I decided to amend it and run four times a week instead. Shouldn't be too much of a biggie and hasn't been so far.)

My only issue so far (besides some lack of motivation) has been the ankle injury and now possibly knee pain. I don't know if the knee is due to compensating for the ankle or a nagging, recurring old rugby injury, but it has me somewhat worried. It could also be my shoes, which are fairly old and have taken their share of abuse, so I'm going to go to the running store this week and get fitted for a proper pair of shoes. I figure with my crappy ankles and surgically repaired knee (the gifts that rugby keeps on giving), $100 is not too bad of an investment in new and good running shoes.

Another problem could be running on concrete, which I've read is REALLY bad for your joints, so I may switch to asphalt (that is, the road) as often as possible. Lately I've been running up and down our quiet street, so I should be ok with cars, but I don't know what I'll do once the distances pick up. I've read that grass is supposedly perfect as a running surface as are trails, but I don't trust my ankles that much yet. I should work on strengthening them when I'm at home watching TV.

Wow, now I sound like an injured train wreck. It's actually not that bad, I just like to dwell on things.

As for eating...well, I haven't been doing too well. BUT, I also haven't been eating out nearly as much. I've just been cooking and eating enormous portions of beef stew and burgers, which is not so good for the calorie intake. So even though I've been burning a minimum of 2500 calories daily, I still haven't lost any weight. That could be because I've been drinking a lot lately and thus getting way more calories in that way as well as holding on to water for the daily weigh-in. So I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow and see where I'm at. Hopefully it's less that 217, because that was my weight a couple weeks ago and according to my GWF, I should be down at least a pound or two.

So here's to hoping!

Just because I'm absent doesn't mean I'm off-track (for once)

I'd like to say that I'm really proud of myself. For the past week and a half, I've been diligently logging my food and making sure I don't eat too much junk. I've even gotten myself eating breakfast...well, only twice a week, but that's still better than before. And by breakfast, I mean the first meal of the day since I don't usually get up at the normal people breakfast time.

The only part I've been slacking on is the exercise. I officially signed up for my 10 mile trail running/obstacle course race that's in late January so I really have to get my butt into shape. I got winded walking up 3 flights of stairs today. And yesterday I had to walk my bike up the hill to work/school. Oy, this is not good.

I do have the intention of running every day. But The Roommie is rarely home when I get done with work/school and as soon as I plop down on the couch, I'm there to stay. When we were dog-sitting this weekend, I was really good about getting home, putting my bag on the ground, changing, and heading out the door. No stopping to grab something to eat or to watch an episode of "Parenthood". Nada. It was amazing. But when I run on my own I tend to go slower and walk more than with The Roommie. She's faster than me so that makes me want to keep up with her instead of slowing her down. I guess even my slow no-motivation-to-go-fast running is better than no running so I should suck it up and head out the door, but I always have the hope that when she gets home, we'll go together. But by that point I'm already very happily surfing the web or watching TV.

My other somewhat-more-legitimate excuse for sitting still this past week was a super sore/badly messed up ankle. I have no idea what happened (or how it happened) but last Wednesday after soccer I did something to it walking up the one stair to our door and the next thing I remember is lying on my back in the muddy grass at 2 am writhing in pain. I couldn't even move, that's how bad it hurt. I haven't screwed it up that bad in a while. So for the past week I've been hobbling around, "resting" it by not biking and not doing much of anything, except the two soccer games during which I was heavily medicated. So yeah, not that much resting. I guess it would be called selective resting, since I still did all the fun things (soccer) while making excuses not to do the more unpleasant ones (running and biking up that hill to school/work).

So I'm babbling. BUT, other big news...I'm rejoining the college racquetball team! I played a bit last fall but got really frustrated by my complete suckage. I don't ever remember being that bad at a sport. It doesn't help that I have no depth perception and I've never really played any racquet sports, but still. It's an athletic activity involving coordination and reading an opponent's moves. I should be amazing at this! And instead, a few times I wanted to leave the court crying. But I miss it so I'm going to give it another shot. Once the ankle heals, of course.

Another success

I overcame my inner lazy person and biked to the library today instead of driving. Granted, that was instead of biking up the monstrous hill to work, but I still got pretty winded going the barely-sloped-upwards 1.5 mile ride, but it's something. And this way I don't have to worry about getting a parking ticket (the other real motivation for biking). So although my motivations for biking around town don't have much to do with weight-loss and/or getting healthy, I'm still doing it and that's all that matters.

As for the rest of the day, I have a huge report due for my boss "for Thursday", as I told him (and Thursday ends at midnight, right?), so I probably won't be doing much of anything else besides stare at my computer screen. And instead of working on that, I'm posting on here. But I'm glad to see myself actually writing a blog three days in a row, and I've started posting on 3fatchicks again and weighing myself somewhat consistently (I forgot this morning). So it's happening slowly but surely.

Oh, and about the library...I wish I had an office this nice. I work in the engineering building so the whole thing is a concrete bunker with small windows and no open space. In addition, my department is small and cramped into this wing with super narrow hallways that make the whole place seem very claustrophobic. So where's my office, you ask? Tucked away between the computer graveyard and the freight elevator. I feel like I've been stuck in a closet, or more accurately, a concrete dungeon. There aren't any windows, even though the long wall faces open blue sky. My office-mate and I have been tempted too many times to take a sledge hammer to the thing to give us some light, but I'm pretty sure there are major fines associated with such an action. So instead, I don't go into the office unless I need to talk to my boss and instead work from places like my bedroom (which also has minimal natural light, but at least I get a sliver of trees above my desk) or the library where I can look through the whole wall of windows and see the mountains and the creek and people. Wow, it's so nice to see things other than artificially lit concrete.

So yeah, I need a better office.

Forgot to weigh in this morning.
Bike to and from library (3 miles - 260 calories - GWF in left side of bra)

Baby steps, but need to do more

Day One and I've already failed at sticking to the plan. Well, partially, at least. And I guess technically it's Day Two, so I'm really off to a bad start.

Yesterday I'd planned on going on a ride, but that never happened. It was such a beautiful day, too, so it's quite a bummer. Instead, I ate a package of Mambas and half of a homemade raspberry pie. But, mmm, that was delicious.

It's been really hard to get myself out the door once my butt hits the couch. And usually that's the only thing I want to do when I get home from work. I need to figure out a better system/schedule for this exercising thing otherwise I'm never going to make it stick. I'm not a morning person, so waking up early to work out is most definitely not an option. I know a lot of people say that and then go on to change their habits, but it's absolutely impossible for me. Believe me, I would love to be an early bird (I'd even settle for a normal human being at this point) because the few times I've worked out before classes and/or work, it's been marvelous and I was on such a high the rest of the day. But that only lasted about two days and then I made up excuses, some of which were fairly valid, such as I'd rather sleep. Well, valid for me.

So the morning thing is not going to happen. The next option is right when I get home. Don't even think about changing into sweatpants and sitting on the couch! Instead, change into workout gear and get out the door! I think that's more feasible, except for maybe days like today when I was dragging so bad. I'm so tired that I can't even read a book because the lines keep moving, which is why it's 9:30 pm and I'm getting ready for bed already. Somehow I found the energy/determination to write this entry, so that's most definitely a positive since I knew I wasn't going to write tomorrow about today and one missed day usually leads to another and another and another and soon enough I'll be back changing my template and promising to stick with the plan.

Ok, I'm babbling. Ooh, I had a sad realization today about my calorie burning. As I mentioned before, I started wearing my GoWear Fit (GWF from now on) to keep me motivated and interested in this weight loss journey on a daily basis (I LOVE seeing and plotting my daily calories in and out). Anywhos, instead of wearing it on my arm like recommended or my leg like I thought I would, I put it inside my bra under my left armpit. I've read online that the GWF gives relatively accurate readings from that location for all sorts of activities, so I figured I would give it a shot. I'm tired of having to explain what's on my arm and a couple of months ago I would dread having people touch my left arm because I was worried they'd ask about it. I'd physically recoil.

Here's what it looks like on the lady's upper left arm (that's not me, if you're wondering). My armband is black instead of gray/silver. So ugly and so obvious:

I'm getting off-topic again. So, I wore my GWF starting this morning and I thought I would have burned way more calories on my bike to work. Granted, it's barely 1.5 miles and takes me maybe 15 minutes if I'm really slow, but there's a HUGE hill at the very end (7-8% grade) and it's super hard to get my out-of-shape self up that thing on my 30 pound rusty bike. So I thought I would burn a significant amount going up it. Boy, was I wrong! The whole 20-minute ride burned only 102 calories. Agh! Granted, it's about 70 more than had I sat around doing nothing, but that's just sad. Looks like I'm going to have to actually do something outside of the commute to work to get this weight off (duh!). But at least that monstrous hill a few times a week will help with strengthening my quads and getting me used to hills again.

Either I'm really not burning that many calories, or the GWF mismeasures when it's in my bra. I'll try it on my arm tomorrow and calf on Friday to compare the data and see what's going on. It's also not nearly as accurate during activities like cycling or the elliptical even if you're wearing it correctly, so that could also be the problem. We'll see. I'm hoping the bra thing works out because it'd be so much nicer and less anxiety-inducing if I could keep it secret from the world.

And now onto another great positive thing that happened today...I didn't chicken out from biking home. It's completely downhill so not hard, but it was raining and all I had was a t-shirt. But once I got on the bike and started heading home, the rain/drizzle didn't bother me at all. I even ran an errand on the way home. Go me!

Baby steps :)

220.5 lbs.
Bike to and from school: up Folsom, down 17th (3 miles - 240 calories)

Breakfasts, lunches, and bike rides galore!

I haven't done too much since getting back to Colorado, besides Warrior Dash, of course. I was sooooo sore after that "race" that I could barely walk. Apparently I shouldn't be running down mountaintops without properly training beforehand. Oops.

In other news, school has started and I'm slowly starting to figure out my schedule. I finally have some human interaction during the course of my day, which is super nice. Yesterday (Wednesday) was my super long day, beginning with 2 lectures then an hour break for lunch and then 4 hours of section and lab. I woke up late so didn't eat breakfast and it wasn't looking like I'd be getting home for lunch. So no food til 5 pm?! Not gonna happen.

I decided to go to the campus grill/cafeteria and ended up getting roast chicken with potatoes and peas. That was heavenly. I also sat down next to a woman from the English department and we had a nice chat. I want to keep doing that (having lunch with someone) but I don't want to spend so much money every time.

And that's what brought me to looking into getting a snazzy lunchbox and packing a nice nutritious lunch for which I've planned ahead. From this other blog I read (Adios, fat pants!), I got a few websites dedicated to packing healthful lunches into Bento boxes, essentially lunch boxes with compartments that fit in very nicely. So I've been looking over them and I think I'm going to start small and plan a multi-colored, veggie-filled lunch once a week and build up from there.

Like this, from Basic Bento:

The next step is making breakfast as well, but I think that may be a once a week kind of thing. The same goes for biking to work/school instead of driving a few blocks and walking up that dreaded hill. But if I'm doing this once a week, what do I do the other days?

No weigh-in. Waiting on my beer water weight to go away. Perhaps tomorrow.

Nada either. SLACKER!