Illness comes at inopportune times, and other complaints

Rugby practice started last week and my tournament is only a week away. Have I done any running lately? Nope, not at all. And that means next weekend is going to suck. Big time. If it wasn't an away tourney where plane tickets are required and wasn't taking place in my hometown, I probably wouldn't go because I'm so out of shape and don't want to leave a bad first impression with my coaches. BUT, I'm really looking forward to seeing my parents and don't really want to pay a butt-load to change flights so I guess I'm going home in a week. And huffing and puffing on the rugby pitch.

In preparation for this tournament, and the rugby season in general, I was planning on starting C210K again (for the 4th time now, I think). And then I got sick. I'm not talking about the sniffles or a slight headache akin to a hangover. This was more of a I-really-should-sleep-in-and-take-care-of-myself kind of thing where I had a hard time breathing after walking 5 minutes to class, and even when I could breathe it hurt a whole lot. And thus C210K is postponed for another day or two, until I can breathe semi-normally again.

So now I'm sitting on the couch, studying and munching on some junk food (because that's what I do to make studying for biology bearable) and regretting all the weeks since Thanksgiving that I spent doing what I'm now doing instead of making running and getting fit a priority. If I'd stuck with the plan back then, not only would I be running 10ks right now, but more importantly, I'd be 200 lbs instead of the 211-212 I'm at right now. And that's with a conservative estimate of 1 lb./week loss, which is much slower than what I usually lose at when exercising regularly.

I should be motivating myself to get fit instead of beating myself up about the past. Instead, I go on and on about missed weight-loss opportunities and dreaming of being skinny. Obviously that's never helped, but I keep doing it. I mope and tell myself that it's impossible for me to be thin. But it's not! I know so many people in my real life (not even counting the ones I've met online) who have set their minds to changing their lives and have succeeded. My mom is one of those examples. My cousins are another. So obviously it's not genetically impossible. I should get the hint.

But as I mentioned in the last post, I can't keep up with calorie counting. It gets too overwhelming. But without it, I eat whatever I want and don't hold myself accountable for what goes into my mouth, which is my downfall. I've thought about doing a generalized calorie counting kind of thing where I round up my meals, but I think not having an accurate count of what I eat would drive me more nuts than having to input every nutritional label for every ingredient in my meals.

Yup, I just came up with another excuse for why I can't calorie count and thus can't lose weight. How pathetic. Instead of making lots of changes at once and focusing on the negatives, I'm going to try one thing at a time, and remind myself of the positives. After-all, my now early-morning swimming routine (yes, it's a routine!) started when I forced myself to get out of bed at 5:30 one day after falling asleep at 3 am. If I can keep up with something that goes so much against my sleep clock, I can do practically anything.

So...the positives:

1. I've made biweekly early morning swims a routine, even if getting out of bed that early is a struggle. Every. Single. Time.
2. I now eat breakfast every day. And I feel weird on the very few days that I skip it. This did not used to be the case, and I could go hours before putting anything in my mouth (then I'd eat unhealthily, but that's another story). Now I have to eat breakfast otherwise my day is off. And I get up early to make sure this happens. Weird.
3. I've lost over 10 pounds since September, part of it over the holidays when I wasn't exercising or calorie counting, but simply watching what I eat and trying not to over-eat. Not much of an accomplishment at my weight or that span of time, but I haven't really stuck with a workout or eating plan. I've just cut down on beer and junk food. And what a difference that has made!
4. I lost 5 pounds in the span of 10 days when I was calorie counting and swimming twice a week, meaning that if I keep my exercise routine the same as it is now and simply start being accountable for what goes in my mouth I will lose really quickly.
5. I learned to enjoy cooking, and started looking forward to eating left-overs.* I've made new recipes part of the weekly rotation, and I also can almost replicate my mom's delicious soups. Next up is learning her meaty meals.

The end. And now I try to apply this positive attitude to sticking with my resolutions.

*To give this accomplishment some background info, I used to not be able to eat left-overs. Like, they repulsed me, especially the ones that coagulated when put in the fridge and didn't really un-coagulate when reheated. I've somewhat gotten over that, but I still can't eat certain things.