Pushing myself to run faster

On Saturday I brought The Roommie on a run with me and she kicked my butt! I've been somewhat faithfully following Couch to 10k and I'm on Week Four now, which is a recovery week. The running interval was only two minutes with a two minute walking rest afterwards and I only had to repeat it five times. So it didn't look too hard on paper. In reality, though, I was exhausted.

The Roommie weighs 30 pounds less than I do and is three inches taller. She's generally in better shape and doesn't mind suffering while running, but hates to push herself when biking. So when we ride our bikes I smoke her, but during a run I struggle to keep up.

Saturday was no different. She was always several steps in front of me and probably could've gone even faster but didn't want to lose me. While I usually hate following people when I exercise, this was actually really good because it pushed me to run faster. I was definitely uncomfortable during every single one of the running intervals, but that's how it should be. I need to push myself so I can eventually get faster and I haven't been able to do that on my own for several weeks now. It's much easier to settle into a slow trot.

We ended the run with a 10:17 min/mile average which is significantly faster than I've been able to run by myself. This also showed me that I can run at a quicker pace than I think I can and more importantly, that I can hold it for more than 30 seconds.

This translated to the strategy for today's run as well because I ran to the same point of exhaustion as Saturday (not a full sprint but I could definitely feel it in my lungs) and was able to hold it for the whole two minute interval. It also helped to have three minutes to recover after each running interval because I could go a lot harder and maintain the pace throughout the whole workout.

The next run is going to be a beast: Three minutes running, one minute walking, nine times, which translates to 27 minutes of actual running. I haven't gone that long since November 2010 so I'm not going to be using the pushing myself strategy of the past few days. Instead, I will focus on maintaining a decent pace (11 min/mile) and holding it for the whole run interval. This way I won't hate myself by the time run number five rolls around, which is what happened several weeks ago and nearly caused me to quit running altogether.

The second day of each week is generally an easier day so I'll work on increasing speed during those runs by pushing myself, while focusing on simply getting through the hard first day of the week runs.

I can now warm up in my warm-up pants

I finally cleaned out and organized all the clothes in my closets and wardrobes because it was getting out of hand. I had stuff stashed in drawers and hanging up in the closet, most of it too small and unwearable. So I devised a new system for storage, grouped my shirts by size, and got everything put away very nicely.

After three days of doing this and trying on a bunch of shirts to see if they fit, I decided to give a pair of warm-up pants a try to see if I could actually get them over my butt. When I received them as part of a team kit a couple of years ago I was ~15 pounds heavier than I am right now and although I could get them on, they weren't comfortable at all. You could tell they were stretched tight across my thighs and I could barely move without feeling like they would rip at the seams (they aren't made of stretchy fabric), which defeated their purpose of being for warming up prior to practice or a game.

But today, they fit almost perfectly! They're not exactly the loosest pants I own, but I feel like I can run around and not bust out of them, which is progress.

I honestly can't notice a difference in my body size even though the scale is moving so it was nice to see that I am in fact getting smaller even if it's not yet obvious to my eye. At the same time, after looking at all the awesome shirts I recently bought that I love, I'm kind of bummed I'm getting smaller because these clothes I have now won't fit for very long.

Since I will continue to get thinner (remaining at this weight is NOT an option) I'm just going to have to give them as much love as I can now, which means ratty shirts are out and awesome shirts are in. This is yet another reason to start caring about how I dress instead of wearing baggy pajama-y clothes all the time, so I've been wearing my nice sweaters practically every day. The shirts are one thing, but sweaters from my mom are something I will miss.

The bright side is I will soon get to wear all the shirts from several years ago that I also love but can't fit into anymore. And I'm sure when I revamp my wardrobe to accommodate my smaller size there will be just as many awesome shirts that I will fall in love with. And hopefully my mom will be so ecstatic about my weight-loss that she will buy me more soft sweaters.

Trial by fire

I started refereeing rugby recently because I can't keep losing more of my left meniscus and this seems like the best way to stay involved in the sport without having to undergo any more surgeries. I asked the scheduler to assign me some games for the upcoming season and so far most of them have been boys and girls high school matches, which is typically how you begin your refereeing career. But then I got the schedule for the second half of March and lo and behold, I'm reffing a Division II senior women's match. And by "senior" I don't mean the women that spend their days in Florida playing shuffle board, but more like the people my age: Too old for college rugby but too young for the Olde Girls. They're still pretty good.

Let's just say that I'm a little terrified, only if "a little" means "incredibly". Not only am I not comfortable reffing such a high-paced game that is going to be full of infractions, but I am not in shape to run for 80 minutes straight. Typically that comes out to about 3-4 miles, with stoppages and play staying in one spot, but that is still way more than I've been running recently. I think I'm up to a little over 2 miles at an 11+ mile/minute pace, but that includes stopping to walk every 3 minutes. In short, I'm nowhere near OK to referee that match.

It's a month away so I still have time, but I definitely have the fear of God in me. Prior to going to visit my parents last week, I was so done with running. I think most of this was the fear of suddenly having to run for 3 minutes straight (I'm back to doing Couch to 10k and had just begun Week 3), but I just wasn't having it. I probably could've walked faster than I was running at the time.

But then California happened, and the sunshine and warmth and vegetation in said sunshine and warmth somehow made me start running again. It actually began to be...fun. I switched up the music on my iPod and since I was at sea level my pace dramatically increased, both of which contributed to this fun version of torture.

Then I came back to snowy Colorado and didn't feel like doing anything all over again. My knee was bugging me because I had been running on concrete in California so that was a way to justify sitting on the couch, as were the six inches of snow we got a couple of days ago.

This laziness lasted until I got the "You're reffing the women's match in a month" email. And so today I went for a run over snow-covered trails in the frigid temperatures. If not for the burrito from lunch that kept wanting to come back up, I think I could've had fun and run a decent pace. But I had pushed myself too hard on the first interval (9:47 min/mile for three minutes) and every time I had to run after that I wanted to vomit.

Other than that, it was beautiful outside and with this game hanging over my head I have suddenly found motivation to push myself while running, which is something I've struggled with for a while. I can torture myself to near-exhaustion on the bike but for some reason as soon as I get winded when running I just give up. But I want to be a good referee and for that to happen I need to be in running shape. Unfortunately the only way to do that is to run more and harder so it's a necessary evil.

Moral of this very long story: Don't eat burritos before running, and fear of failure is a great motivator.

Less than half fat!

My legs are less than half fat! I'm sure this occurred sometime during my stay in Southern California but my parents don't have a fat percentage scale there, so I only saw it once I got back to Colorado this week. BUT, my leg fat percentage is finally less than 50%. And soon enough I will be in ONEDERLAND!

I say "leg fat" and not "body fat" because the fat measuring scale I have is one you stand on and it sends pulses up one leg and down the other to measure fat composition. So there is no upper body measurement. But as long as fat percentage is going down somewhere in my body then I'm happy. And it's great to get better legs.

Hitting new lows

I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 204.0 lbs, which is totally unexpected. I spent a lot of last week drinking heavily and haven't done any exercise since Friday afternoon. Yet yesterday morning I managed to weigh in at 206.0 lbs (202.0 a few hours later, but I disregarded that as an anomaly) and this morning I was down to 204.0 lbs. This is all on my parents' scale because I'm home in California for the week so it could all be totally off from mine. But the first day I was here my weight was comparable to what I was weighing in back in Colorado. So I kind of believe it.

This new weight is the lowest I have been since November 2008 and is just a bit lower than my most recent low weight of 206.5 lbs in May 2011 after which I shot up to my highest weight ever (224.0) within eight months. So it's been a while since I've been here. With my current commitment to healthy eating and the relative ease of the process this time around, I have a feeling this weight-loss trend will stick around for a while.

Every weight I hit from now on will be the lowest in over 4 years, which is crazy to me!

Losing weight without dieting

I've been instructed by myfitnesspal to limit my calorie intake to something significantly lower than what I'm used to eating. And it has been a struggle, to say the least.

First, it's hard to say "no" to beer and peanut butter cups on a nearly daily basis. But I've gotten pretty good about consuming those things only when I really want them instead of out of boredom. That's cut down on my calories quite a bit.

Second, decreasing my portion sizes and relearning what a normal meal is has also been a challenge. But with measuring cups and scales I've been able to readjust my understanding of what I should be eating and I don't look at my meals like, "That's it?" nearly as much as I used to.

But the most difficult part of all this has been finding a way to eat all my regular foods without going over my calorie allowance. I've said before that I don't eat a lot of junk food (with the exception of beer and chocolate). I don't really like sodas and I've never felt the need to smother everything in cheese and butter. That is not to say I don't like cheese and butter, because I very much do. But I grew up on a normal dose of this stuff so cutting it down to normal levels hasn't made as drastic a change weight-wise as it has for other people. And I really like fruits and vegetables. Always have and always will. I eat them voraciously which really can be a problem.

As a result, I don't have weight-gaining habits that are easily identifiable and thus changing the most common things hasn't had as big of an effect on my weight-loss as it does for other people. I simply need to eat less of everything I currently put into my mouth, whether it be fewer trips to the pho place (take-out portions are deliciously ginormous!) or less ice cream in my bowl.

My goal for losing weight this time around is to make it sustainable and learn to live a life that will last me for years after I've reached my goal weight. For that to happen, I can't eliminate entire food groups, like carbohydrates, because I can't stay away from bread and pasta forever. Yeah, I could probably do it for a year or two, but not forever. As soon as I bring carbs back into my life, I'll most likely gain weight and/or have to learn how to moderate it then. I'd rather do the learning now instead of putting it off until I'm (hypothetically) thinner.

Another thing I'd like to avoid is eating the stereotypical diet foods like mashed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes or Crystal Light instead of the occasional soda. Normal-sized people eat full-fat ice cream and mashed potatoes and manage to stay normal. I have a regular metabolism, so why shouldn't I be able to do that? (Besides the obvious...because I'm losing weight and need a calorie deficit to make that happen.)

I can't always control what is being served to me at dinner parties, restaurants, or a cafeteria, and therefore it will most likely be the farthest thing from diet food. As a result, I want to be able to function in the real food world without always worrying about full-fat meals being put in front of me. This doesn't mean I will always order the 4-cheese macaroni and cheese bowl every time because my skinny friend does it. But I don't want to be that person who doesn't go out to eat with people or avoids dinner parties because I'm worrying about what will be served.

So the question becomes, how do I eat fewer calories without changing my diet? I guess it all comes down to portion control, will-power, exercise, and moderation. I can still have my gnocchi but I won't make it the main part of my meal. Baking cookies can still be fun and delicious, except I won't be eating the entire batch of cookie dough in one sitting*. And that beer will cost me an extra 15 minutes on the bike. I'm okay with those things because they all seem so normal, while having spaghetti squash instead of pasta just isn't.

None of this will be easy but I am seriously getting the hang of it slowly but surely. I still slip up occasionally and sometimes I can't resist the allure of that chocolate bar on the coffee table. But I try to make sure I earn my nights out and don't eat more calories than my body burns. If I learn to survive and be happy on 1500-1600 calories of normal food now, I can definitely keep that up for longer than this diet will last. As I get thinner I'll lose weight more slowly if I keep with these calorie goals, but I can offset that by exercising more. Or by that point I will have learned to get more bang for my buck with regards to food so dropping to 1200-1300 calories won't be so shocking for my body. And when I get to a more manageable weight, I do plan on being more active. My out-of-shapeness is holding me back from doing things right now, and I hate that.

Maybe I'm being incredibly naive and should embrace this new life of "dieting". Maybe I just need to suck it up and accept that I will no longer have those potatoey mashed potatoes. But I really don't want to. I want to be normal in the food world because for as long as I can remember I've been the opposite of that. I've worried too much about my weight and about what I eat and I'm so sick of it.

I know that food and choosing what I put into my mouth will always be a problem for me, and I will always struggle with my weight in one way or another. But I'd like to minimize this crap by at least eating normal foods, maybe less of them and less frequently, but normal foods nonetheless. I can't be on a "diet" forever, so why should I be on one now? It simply goes against everything I hope to accomplish with this current lifestyle change, one that seems to be working...for now at least.

---
*Notice the positive verbs I'm using here? "Can" instead of "can't" and "won't" instead of "can't"? It's been shown that people who use power words have better success with whatever they're trying to achieve.

And I can totally see that. Saying I can't do something is depriving myself of it and when I feel deprived, I don't continue with the "diet". So now I just don't do things instead of not being able to do things. It's worked surprisingly well for me.

Going back to what has worked

I posted on 3FC about being hungry all the time and the consensus was that the myfitnesspal-recommended 1330 calories is not enough. Well, if I do nothing all day then it perhaps it is enough but if I exercise a few times a week with one of those times being a bike ride, I need to eat a lot more than that to stay happy.

Overall, I should be eating all the calories I "earn" through exercise because that will bring me up to 1500-1600 calories total, which is what I've discovered is a sustainable daily intake. At that range, I eat fulfilling meals, get some healthy snacks, and can sneak in a guilty pleasure or two. And that's what I need to be able to keep at it. 1330 just wasn't doing it for me.

Anywhos, eating all the calories I burn is good when it comes to running because right now I'm burning about 200 for each run, which bumps me up to the sustainable allowance. However, when I go for a bike ride, I "earn" 750-1000 calories a ride, which would bump my daily allowance to at least 2000 calories, if not more. And that's not a number I'm willing to consume even if it is all (or mostly) healthy. So on those days I'll stick with eating 1500-1600 (this excludes the food I eat during the ride for energy) and redistribute the rest of the earned calories for days I don't exercise at all. This way, I should still be at my goal over the course of the week.

At least that's the theory.

I believe that the last week of hunger was due to not eating properly and not at the right times. I was eating whatever was convenient instead of what I knew was filling and delicious. And I was also waiting until I was hungry to eat something, which is never a good idea. This made it seem like I was always hungry and that's not a good feeling to have when you're just starting out with weight-loss. And that feeling of "this sucks" was only exasperated by the scale not budging. All in all, not good vibes.

I've also found that I need to eat something that 1) I believe is delicious, 2) that is warm, and 3) that is a legitimate home-cooked or home-made meal for it to feel like it was fulfilling. Otherwise I won't think I've really eaten and even though I will have gotten the proper nutrients and calories, I will still feel hunger. Although I love my nut bars, bananas and smoothies, they are not sufficient meal substitutes for me for both lunch and dinner. At least one of those meals has to follow the rules stated at the beginning of this paragraph.

So today instead of microwaving a burrito or heating up potstickers, I made an old staple for lunch. It's cold because it's just a sandwich so Criteria 1 is not satisfied, but it's delicious and is a legitimate meal (my mom makes this for me all the time when I'm home). Two out of three isn't bad, especially since I know I will be stuffed (in a good way) when I finish it.

So colorful and delicious! And I even somewhat enjoyed making it.

Lastly, my faux plateau broke today when I went down to 208.5 lbs, which is FINALLY down from the 210 I've been hovering at for over a week. What a relief!

Battling hunger

I was hungry last night but since I don't mind going to bed with a little bit of hunger pains, I ignored it and told myself I'd make up for it today by eating a bit more.

But, I was dragging in the morning and then was busy all afternoon so by 5 pm all I'd eaten was a nut bar and a banana. In short, I was starving. I came home, wolfed down a burrito, a bratwurst, and some cheese curds, but still didn't feel any relief. That "lunch" was much more calorific than I would've liked (750 calories) but I was STARVING.

Several hours later, my stomach still wasn't happy so I made myself some leftover stuffed bell peppers. But while they were heating up, I warmed up a glass of milk because I need a daily dose of dairy and I didn't get a chance to eat it at breakfast. After downing that, I didn't feel very hungry at all. I still ate the bell peppers because I had started heating them up and didn't want to wake up extremely hungry again, but I felt that maybe I didn't really need them.

Perhaps my hunger pains were more due to thirst than hunger. I have read that that can happen. (Along with the milk and bell peppers, I drank two glasses of water with Nuun electrolyte tablets because I have been feeling very dehydrated lately. So all in all, there was a lot of stuff consumed for dinner.)

Now, nearly two hours after this ginormous dinner, I am still incredibly stuffed, which supports my thirst conclusion. You live and you learn.

Also, I haven't exercised in the last two days and I've been dragging ever since. Part of me wants to blame my lack of exercise for this, but I'm pretty sure it's the cloudy weather and just general lack of sleep. I'll give exercising a shot tomorrow (hopefully going on the bike ride I was supposed to go on earlier this week) to see if that helps, but it's also supposed to be sunny so my experiment won't exactly work. Either way, I'll get some calories deficits, some fresh air, and hopefully some weight-loss.

Switching around exercise to accommodate drinks

A good friend of mine is in town and she suggested getting drinks after work. I've been trying to stay under my calorie allotments more consistently so I've limited myself to drinks only on days I go for a bike ride (I "earn" at least 700 extra calories that way). But today was a scheduled run day and since I'd gotten up late, daylight hours were in short supply and the wind had begun to pick up. I just didn't want to go ride.

After much internal debate, I decided to stick with the run and go for the bike ride tomorrow, as scheduled. Because whether I run today and bike tomorrow or vice versa, the calorie totals for those two days will come out the same ultimately. And this way I get in the running that I have to force myself to do and don't have to make bike riding an unpleasant experience*.

I'm kind of proud for requiring myself to get some exercise before going out drinking this evening. On non-booze days, it's pretty easy to stay under my calorie goal but beer and the inevitable fries and mac & cheese bites screw me over. With running or biking on the alcohol days, I feel like the damage is mitigated just a little bit.

I'm also impressed that I've kept up with my calorie counting as long as I have because it used to drive me crazy. It hasn't gotten to the annoying stage yet where I am bugged by having to log everything that goes into my mouth. Part of this is because I approximate a lot of things (much more than I used to) which means my calorie-counting is not as accurate as it needs to be. But the major reason behind the change in attitude is the HUGE database of foods that myfitnesspal carries. They seem to have practically everything in there (including the Costco food court hot dog I recently ate) and when they don't, I have the option of scanning the bar code, which is much easier than inputting all the ingredients and adding it to your food list.

Lastly, I haven't put up any progress graphs lately so here is my weight-loss for 2012 - 2013. Notice my all-time greatest weight at the end of February 2012, as well as the steady albeit bumpy decrease since then:

And here is my most recent goal to reach Onederland! by March 13th. I had planned not to lose or gain during the holidays but alas, cakes and wine got the best of me. I'm still on track to get there by March, though:

---
*I love to ride my bike so I try not to force myself to do it when I don't want to because that would make this fun form of exercise not so fun anymore. Usually if I don't want to do it just a little bit, I'll still go out because I love being on the open road. But with construction on my usual route, the wind factor, and the general brownness of the surroundings, I had absolutely no desire to go today. So I didn't.

On the other hand, I hate running but everything I enjoy doing requires me to have run fitness so it's a necessary evil. I've been putting off Couch to 10k for way too long so I really didn't need any more excuses to prevent me from advancing in the program.

Quick breakfasts and updates

I'm not a morning person and I'm also a creature of habit. So when my go-to done-in-2-minutes cereal was discontinued in all stores in the area, my whole day was thrown off. I can still buy it online, but the shipping is ridiculous (I refuse to pay exorbitant prices for shipping in general) so that's a no-go. Instead, I've been brainstorming ways to replicate the ease and filling nature of the cereal that is no more.

For the last two days I've had a banana and a nut/fruit/grain bar that have held me over until lunch. But I'm still feeling a little iffy after the sugar from today's breakfast so I don't think this is a long-term solution. In the warmer months I resort to yogurt and fruit, but everything is so expensive and sour right now that it's not worth buying or making.

So for the winter/non-season months I'm looking for something that...

• Has grains and nuts (yay fiber!)
• Uses milk as the major liquid (I get grumpy if I don't have enough dairy)
• Can be nuked in the microwave in under 5 minutes (I hate "cooking" in the morning)
• Won't explode during said nuking (like oatmeal tends to do)

(Now that I think about it, my summer breakfast only fits one of these four criteria, but that's different.)

From my extensive research on breakfast foods this afternoon, I think I've settled on muesli. Now to find a good recipe that keeps for a while and is not too hard to make...that's a task for another workday.

Other than that, I'm being pretty successful at staying on track and losing weight. I gained a couple of pounds over the holidays, but some of that may've just been alcohol weight because it's come off pretty quickly as soon as I cut down on drinking. I'm about a half of a pound over my mid-December weight (and 3 pounds down from last week) but have only been watching what I've been eating for about a week so it makes sense that the weight-loss is due to alcohol water weight and not real calorie cutbacks.

Although I am envious of people around me who can pound Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and chase them with beer on a nearly daily basis without gaining any weight, I know that they're able to do that because they are much more active throughout the day than I am. And they're not actively trying to lose weight either. Some day when my job doesn't involve sitting on my butt for over 8 hours a day, I will have that extra burn to cancel out with peanut butter and chocolate. But for now I'm content with exercising that willpower. It's much easier to keep at it when I see results on the scale.

So for the time being, I will continue to limit my sweet intake to one per day because I simply can't live without sugar. The beer binging has successfully been cut down to once a week as well. I say binging because I'm so heavy that it takes about 5 beers to get me tipsy/drunk, even on an empty stomach, and by modern medicine standards that's considered binging for a woman. And sometimes I just want to be drunk. Other days, I just want a beer after work, so I keep it to that and treat it as a sweet. But there is no in between.

I used to limit myself to three beers when going out but it had the same effect on my mind and body as drinking just one (that being, I was stone cold sober), with over 300 extra calories. So now I'm embracing the 5-6 beers when I just need some mind-altering substances and other times abstaining completely. This seems to work best for me because I've been able to maintain this plan for the past several months with success.

Lastly, the weather has been really nice and will continue to be so for the forecastable future, so I've been getting out on my bike more. I've also re-re-re-re-re-begun Couch to 10k and am somehow managing to force myself out the door even when I really don't want to. My roommate said I should stop being so negative about the workouts but I've made myself a deal that I can be as grumpy as I want as long as I do them. But if I don't go, then no complaining for me. And since I really like to complain and can't deal with being obese anymore, this deal has worked out well for me.

All in all, life is successful in weight-loss land.