A long ways to go

As everyone always does, I told myself that not only does the diet start at the New Year but also on Monday. So today was supposed to be my start date of healthy living and weight-loss. I failed miserably.

There were some good points such as not eating airport food after I landed and was starving. Instead, I waited to get home, which took about 2 hours, and made the packaged salmon I'd brought back from Trader Joe's in California.

But then I went to broomball and, as always, there was a ginormous package of gummy bears being offered to everyone. We like to think it's what makes us good. So far, it's worked wonders for our record.

Anywhos, I ate a whole bunch of them and at one point was shoving them into my mouth by the handful. I don't even like gummy bears. Most of them are rather flavorless, and there's so much sugar in them. I'd rather eat chocolate any day. But I ate them nonetheless.

And then I came home and made myself a large glass of warm milk and some pretzels. They weren't all that satisfying so I only ate about four of them, which is also an accomplishment so I guess I shouldn't be too down on myself.

Long story short, even though I'm committed to eating better and moving more, I'm not nearly anywhere I need to be mindset-wise. Last summer when I had the most success with regards to pounds lost, there would be a voice in my head that would always ask, "What's more important: the momentary happiness from eating this thing, or being thinner and happier like you've always wanted?" And usually it would work. I didn't necessarily deprive myself of everything, but instead I really thought about how badly I wanted whatever I was about to eat. Usually the voice worked in convincing me to put down the bag of chips (another thing I'm not crazy about but eat because it's there or I think I'm craving it). But other times I caved and let myself have some ice cream or a milk shake. Even so, those portions were usually smaller than if I hadn't had that voice of reason questioning my decisions.

I need to get back to that state of mind and then I will be golden. It'll just be a matter of time before this weight comes off if I lead the lifestyle I would like myself to have. I already crave exercise, and even though getting out of the house is especially hard this time of year, by nightfall I'm wishing that I'd done something during the day to move around a bit because I feel restless.

So the next step is to fix the head and I will be all set.